I Always Wondered

When there is news of death or an impending death, a baby is born. I know it's not a coincidence because the world population is growing but I always feel like when someone leaves, a newborn comes into this world.

The Green Eyed Middle Monster

Quite some time ago Umm Z gave me her lowdown on handling multiple children. I was having difficulty with a temperamental four year old, so Umm Z unveiled her wise wisdom through her comprehension of The Five Love Languages. If you have gone to the site, just know that it works for children too.

We seemed to be able to tame the bigger monster, eventhough on some days I feel she speaks all FIVE languages of love. She's the lime-light hoarder, the one who needs attention and praise, the little dictator, is always asking for new toys and books and loves squishing her way into hugs, especially when SHE needs them. But we did notice ONE Love Language.

Now the Middle Monster, who has always been the quiet, a little bit of a loner, mysterious thinking dude, is acting up. He's even biting. And he's such a little stranger that it's quite hard to decipher what his Love Language is. It started when the baby who does not want to sleep during the day, nor the night, started crawling, sitting and standing all at once. Now HE gets Yusuff's portion of attention without even talking yet.

Poor Middle Monster. It's hard enough being a little shorter than Tasneem and having to speak in ALL CAPS to drown out her constant banter and get his point across. I've tried spending more time with him - like sitting him down in a snuggle and reading a book, but he just wanders off to scribble on a wall or build a castle. Positive affirmations don't really make him tick. He would just rush off, embarrassed, and scribble on a wall or build a castle. Services? "I WANT TO DO IT MYSELF." Next... Gifts? Oh no no... mostly because I don't want anyone's Love Language to be Gifts. Touch? Maybe, but still not as touchy-feely as his sister.

Sigh, my easy little coconut head is a real tough cookie to crack. I recently told him that if he ever feels upset, he could always come to me for a hug. I was wondering if he felt I was holding the baby who does not sleep during the day, nor the night, a little too much. Maybe he felt that as a big brother he had to deal with his troubles on his own. DH insists it's the sensitive child syndrome, and we just need to concentrate a little more on him.

Little coconut head was my easiest baby. Squished between a temperamental toddler and a baby who does not sleep during the day, nor the night, his night wakings were simple, his meals were always happy and he never ever cried for the sake of crying. But now, he's biting.

I thought that he was a little jealous of the attention DH and I were giving the baby who does not sleep during the day, nor the night, as Yusuff was the youngest for two whole years and nearly three months, but tonight I noticed something else too.

He is jealous of the attention the Idriss, (the baby who does not sleep during the day, nor the night), gets from Tasneem. That was an interesting observation as I was trying to solat Maghrib without DH around. I asked Tasneem to quickly involve Yusuff in her usual game of "jump up and down until you fall on your head," so both of them jumped up and down until they fell on their heads to distract the baby who does not sleep during the day, nor the night, while I prayed. Yusuff seemed a lot less fretful afterwards. His coconut head plays to his advantage in these type of circumstances.

Both monsters of them seemed to wind down a lot quicker when it was time to settle down for the night. But the baby who does not sleep during the day nor the night, as usual, refused to pipe down even in pitch darkness. He was rolling around, getting his little mits into our eyes and tugging on ears. He was climbing all over Tasneem and pulling her hair.

Finally it was the Middle Monster called foul. "Put Idriss in your room, Mama. He's too noisy and we want to sleep." His ALL CAPS were really drowsy, so I asked him twice if he could fall asleep without me. He said he could. And I knew he could, because he had Tasneem all to himself once again. I guess I never noticed that not only would my easy coconut head become the Middle Monster of the family but he would also lose his bigger sister's attention by half.

It was only the two of them for so long, that he probably realised he LOVED her being around him without the baby who does not sleep during the day, nor the night. For the first time too, the Middle Monster fell asleep without me or DH by his side. He just needed his sister - what language of love could that possibly be?

I Still have the Evening to Go...

I think I have accepted that outings are far more complicated now that I have three tag-a-longs, but I have never overcome how much I took it for granted - the ease of life before I had kids. It changes the perspective of lazy evenings.

Well, alhamdulillah, there is nothing like a Meatball Marinara Sandwich by SUBWAY to kick-off an early night that is going to end with an article submission inshaallah.

Fatigued, but still ok - otherwise I would have probably lavished over it while watching a feel-good movie, which wasn't what Slumdog Millionnaire was, by the way. Even if the Producer said it was a "feel-good movie," it wasn't for me. I closed my eyes on countless times when watching it the first time around and I will do the same if I came back for seconds. That would be especially true if I was enjoying a Meatball Marinara Sandwich by SUBWAY.

Nevermind, I loved the movie anyway, except for the Jamal-Latika love story, which was its essence I'm sure. That part was boring.

Back to work now.

More or Less Effective

The troops had a field day today. Once in a while we bring the kids out, as in - not grocery shopping or necessary outings -for fun, so they can run around in new places. You don't need much to please a bunch of toddlers and alhamdulillah it went well.

I can't say we're not exhausted though. Sunway Pyramid is quite far away from where we are and after the millionth time of being asked "Where is the pyramid?," after the likes of "Why are we in a parking lot and not a pyramid," "Where is the baby camel like in Wonderpets," and "So, where is the oasis," I'm pretty happy to be back, alhamdulillah. That was after the "I don't want to go home,"s and "I want to play some more"s.

I could say we're pretty effective in planning our outings but there's room for improvement. And I'm sure it pays to improve, having to deal with the "Where is pyramid, Mama, where, where, where?" over and over again.

Umm R from Ummi Homeschools Me recommended The Seven Habits of Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. She told me to read it, absorb it and practice it. I'm going to listen to her because I love her blog and admire at how organised and calm she always is mashaallah. It certainly sounds like a treasury for WAHMs.

Luckily I have a copy of that book in my haphazard library. But before all the reading and absorbing, I have to find it first, vacuum the dust off of it and try to read it while the monsters scale the walls and scribble on the floor.

Hmmm... I'm sure it will be worth the read. Especially if I do become more effective.

I Loath My Neighbour

Not just any one of them, there is this particular one who irks me like crazy. Initially we thought she was a single mother with her unmarried daughter who was pregnant. Everytime we walked past her house, we would hear her yelling: "You're a LOSER! You're a wh*re! You are good for nothing! Your baby is just going to turn out just like you."

We thought she was yelling into the phone at first and then it occurred to DH and I that there was a teenager in the house. Subhanallah - what kind of mother speaks to her child like that?

Then one day the girl - and another girl - went out to the stores, looking very conspicuous - and PREGNANT! I put two and two together and decided, yep, the woman's hiding her unborn illegitimate grandchild from the public... but I still could not accept the way she spoke to her daughter.

Then one day, one of our neighbours let us in on the scoop. He had noticed more than just the one girl and her friend - there were five or six pregnant teenagers in that house, and all were expecting.

It was a safe-house for pregnant, troubled teens. But as he inquired further, the so-called supervisor, who was always full of profanities, told him to mind his own business. Mind his own business? With all that yelling? She moved in over a year ago, and every single day, every neighbour in earshot range has had to deal with her excrutiating profanities, right after Fajr, all the way into the evenings.

If this was a safe-house she should have informed the neighbours. We could have helped. Counselling, coaching, training, financial help... our neighbourhood is a GOOD place to live. Everyone gets along with everyone else. We go on holidays together. We exchange salaams everytime we meet. Our children run in and out of each others' homes, borrowing toys and returning them three months later. We look out for our neighbours' kids all the time. We have monthly gatherings that involve food, glorious food.

What gives her the right to move her butt in here and contaminate the serenity of our home? I have nothing against the safe-house. Mashaallah what a task to take on and so many blessings to boot. But I seriously doubt this lady has a license to establish and run this home. If I were the authorities, I would not grant her a license - and speaking of authorities, there has not been an audit even once.

I only fear for the girls who stay there and their unborn children who are going to transition from traumatic pregnancies to potentially damaging lives. Whatever those teenagers have done to have gotten pregnant at such a young age is in the past, and screaming obscenities and ruining whatever they have left of their dignity is not going to help them. I'm not surprised if they pick themselves up after their births and fall pregnant all over again.

I have seen parents drop off their daughters there. I wonder if they know what goes on after they do. Worst still, I've seen unkempt looking men, visiting in their modified cars, hanging around and smoking with the girls. A father of one of the unborn babies, perhaps? One man was confronted by my concerned neighbour, and again, he was told to mind his own business, while his small children rode up and down the street on their bikes. What type of safe-house is this?

I have since alerted the press to investigate. I have lodged a report with the welfare department and have even called Teledera (the hotline for abuse). Nothing. No response. When I spoke to the operater from Teledera, he said they would take 4 to 6 weeks to respond to my report. That was during Ramadhan! About a year ago, a police van pulled up in front of the safe house. Crime Scene Investigation was printed on its side. The cops dawdled around and then left, leaving half of the street watching in silence.

I don't know what else to do. When the neighbours talked about asking them to leave, I said I was afraid for the teenagers and their babies - and they needed REAL help, from a REAL safe house, with proper attendees, teachers, counsellors, etc. But after my phonecalls have garnered no results at all, I think that I would like them to leave too.

Yesterday, DH ran over to the shops to grab something for dinner and he saw two of the pregnant teens strolling around enjoying ice-cream - that was before they sauntered into one of the shophouses for cigarettes. Astarghfirullah - how will they ever recover from the path they are already on? Especially with a sociopath care-taker? Who else should I call? What else can I do? I don't enjoy loathing a neighbour and I certainly don't enjoy having them live on my street.

WAHM Resources from eHomemakers

I just received eHomemakers' first newsletter. In the spirit of sharing, here are some pointers for those who work at home.

1. There is this networking site called RUUMZ. It's a Malaysian networking site but if you're not in Malaysia, it may not hurt to join. Check it out anyway.

2. eHomemakers is inviting 20 home businesses (start-ups) to make use of Distributed Work Management Application (DWMA) application to connect efficiently to suppliers and large networks of buyers. Single moms and anyone with disadvantaged situations will be given priority. Free use of application for one year, paying bulk rate for SMS only. Free training and basic mentoring for business plan implementation and priority to participate in all eH activities including marketing activities will be given. Contact project_manager@ehomemakers.net or call Zen:012-9448163

In the event this interests you, sign up for eHomemakers too. There are plenty of networks there that may be of interest.

Out of Loop but not out of Vigilance

I haven't been reading the news lately. Neither have I read any prominent blogs. I just can't stand the political innuendos. I'm off politics and out of loop. Politics gets me too riled up and eventhough other writers have told me I write best when I'm provoked, I don't think I can stomach my sarcastic self much longer. Do I have to be sarcastic to write? Maybe.

Isn't writing a route to self-discovery? Well, I knew I've always been sarcastic and cynical and though it fuels my writing in general and works best for politics, it does not always bring out the best in me. But I won't give up sarcasm and even if I did want to, it wouldn't happen since I'm still watching House M.D. and there hasn't been THAT much character depelopment even after he was released from psych ward. *Sigh*... sarcasm lives on!

I did read however on the court ruling, allowing the use of the name Allah by other religions, in this case it was a Church. (Again, if that news is STALE, then it's my fault). How do I feel about this?

Neither a politician nor a scholar, I believe these types of disputes are what hold back the country in developing into a progressive and open minded nation. Even more so, the segregation of the races and religions that spark this type of controversy, enhance the segregation, causing even more disharmony and encouraging prejudice between the racial lines. Not to mention that the different communities of different faiths are also held back in their own respective development. Honestly, that's just plain pathetic.

Instead of carrying out the laudable tenets that each faith champions, which more or less cover tolerance and kindness, they are bickering about the use of the name Allah and who it rightfully belongs to. This is just one of the sad examples of how they bicker about the differences between faiths, rather than celebrate the similarities between the belief systems.

In my humble opinion, Allah is the Arabic word for God. Granted, it is not the direct translation, because "Allah" can't be made plural (unlike "gods") and neither can the name imply a gender (unlike "god" vs "goddess"). It also can't be written with a small A, unlike the small g in god. There is one Allah and none unlike.

At the same time though, Allah is used by Christian Arabs in the Christian Bible. So to say that "Allah" belongs solely to Muslims is inaccurate. However, note that the Christian Arabic Bible is written in Arabic, and not in Malay or English or any other language. So why would a Malaysian Church insist they want to use the name Allah as God in one of their publications that is not written in Arabic?

In the wider scope of things, the use of the name Allah by other faiths in Malaysia could be seen as poaching, i.e., poaching Muslims by falsely representing a Christian publication as an Islamic one.

I remember reading a comic strip that was written by a Christian in Malay and if unsupervised, a child reading the strip could easily believe the message it was conveying, and of course the message in the strip was: Prophet Jesus (may Allah be pleased with him) was indeed the son of Allah Ta'ala.

To understand why this would happen, one has to be reminded of the poor lines of segregation this country has. Malays are Muslims, Chinese are Buddhists, Indians are Hindus, etc... and a small portion of Chinese and Indians are Christians. This is the general case. So a Malay publication would inevitably be a Muslim publication. This comic strip was written in Malay and it certainly looked intended for the Malay readership, more specifically, a Malay child, who - by default -would be Muslim.

The same would surface if a Muslim saw the word "Allah" in an article / journal / book. They would automatically assume it's an Islamic piece and without vigilance, could be grossly misinformed with respect to its contents.

So now that this particular Church has been granted the right to substitute God or Tuhan with "Allah," Muslims just have to be a little more vigilant when reading different publications. And there is never harm in being a little more vigilant in anything we do.

I just wonder how it will work out though. Allah, like I mentioned is only one, and grammatically in Arabic, it can not be made plural - so how does this work with the concept of trinity? I have never read the Arabic Bible so I would now know. But it would certainly be interesting to find out.